did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
