the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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