My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
