butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
