Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
