butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
