I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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