i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
