I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
