sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
