I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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