is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
