1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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