dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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