i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
