Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
