A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
