She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
