I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
