It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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