i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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