you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
