I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
