Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
