Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
