The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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