Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
