last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
