So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
