he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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