I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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