his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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