Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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