OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
