I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Im part way to drunk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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