3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
