But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
