You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it's like iHOP with fire
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize