i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
