She said her name was "party"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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