had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
