Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
