i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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