Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This toilet bowl is my home.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
