I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
