Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am available for nakedness
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
