No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
