The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
