Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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