it wasn't lemon gatorade
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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