Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
its liver damage thursday
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
