nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
