the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize