I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize