i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
