so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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