so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
