Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
