Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize