you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
