So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
