I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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