Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
