You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
