1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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