I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
