In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
