hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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