I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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