I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
