Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
