"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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