hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
