he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
