they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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