i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
