my sisters under your porch take her home
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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