I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
