My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
