Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
