Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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