YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
