My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
