I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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