Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
