My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize