I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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