If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
