you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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