That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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