It's like a parade of train wrecks.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
