So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
now i know why i became what i already was.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
