I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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