FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
