Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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